5 minute management course - Brilliant !-Too Good!!!!!!!!!!

Lesson  1:

A  man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her  shower, when the doorbell rings.

The wife quickly wraps herself  in a towel and runs downstairs.

When she opens the door, there  stands Bob, the next-door neighbour.

Before she says a word, Bob  says, 'I'll give you $800 to drop that towel.'


After  thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in  front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.  


The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.  

When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, 'Who was that?'  

'It was Bob the next door neighbour,' she replies.  

'Great,' the husband says, 'did he say anything about the $800  he owes me?'



Moral  of the story:

If  you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your  shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable  exposure.



Lesson  2:


A  priest offered a Nun a lift.

She got in and crossed her legs,  forcing her gown to reveal a leg.

The priest nearly had an  accident.

After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand  up her leg.

The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'  

The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his  hand slide up her leg again.
The nun once again said, 'Father,  remember Psalm 129?'

The priest apologized 'Sorry sister but the  flesh is weak.'

Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily  and went on her way.

On his arrival at the church, the priest  rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, 'Go forth and seek, further up,  you will find glory.'

Moral  of the story:
If  you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great  opportunity.



Lesson  3:

A  sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch  when they find an antique oil lamp.

They rub it and a Genie  comes out.
The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.'  
'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk. 'I want to be in the  Bahamas, driving a speedboat,  without a care in the world.'
Puff! She's gone.

'Me next! Me  next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the  beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and  the love of my life.'

Puff! He's gone.

'OK, you're up,'  the Genie says to the manager.
The manager says, 'I want those two  back in the office after lunch.'


Moral  of the story:
Always  let your boss have the first say.

Lesson  4


An  eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.

A small  rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, 'Can I also sit like you and do  nothing?'
The eagle answered: 'Sure, why  not.'

So,  the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a  sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.  

Moral  of the story:
To  be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.  




Lesson  5

A  turkey was chatting with a bull.

'I would love to be able to get  to the top of that tree' sighed the turkey, 'but I haven't got the  energy.'
'Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?'  replied the bull. They're packed with nutrients.'

The turkey  pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough str  ength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.

The next day,  after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.  

Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at  the top of the tree.

He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who  shot him out of the tree.


Moral  of the story:
Bull  Shit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you  there..



Lesson  6

A  little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird  froze and fell to the ground into a large field.

While he was  lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.

As the  frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how  warm he was.

The dung was actually thawing him out!

He  lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
A  passing cat heard the bird singing and came to  investigate.

Following  the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and  promptly dug him out and ate him.


Morals  of the story:
(1)  Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.

(2) Not everyone  who gets you out of shit is your
friend.

(3) And when you're  in deep shit, it's best to keep
your mouth shut!  


THUS  ENDS THE FIVE MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE