What’s your ‘type’?

The Commitment addict

Why it doesn't work
Clinical psychologists are of the opinion that the problem with a commitment addict is that their behaviour tends to be suffocating for their partner over a period of time. If it's the female bearing the brunt of this, she can easily lose herself to the relationship creating a pattern of dependence that is eventually followed by rejection from her partner. The need to constantly 'be in a relationship' may stem from fear of desertion. It may also be the result of an over-dependent relationship with a parent during childhood, where clear boundaries were not set.

Overcoming it
The best way to break out of this pattern of behaviour is to become aware of the emptiness you are trying to fill and find empowering ways to fill it. Take time out of relationships and learn to enjoy being alone. If you go into a relationship, do so, but be free of expectations. Have your own life; it's the only way you'll be happy!

The Mother hen

Why it doesn't work
'Mothering' a partner i.e. treating him/her with unnecessary care and sympathy, creates a parent-child dynamic that eventually transforms you into a perpetrator because you resent all the work you're doing and expect your partner to be forever 'indebted' to you. A lot of women tend to be overly nurturing , psychologists say. They are likely to attract dysfunctional and chaotic men and also enable them to remain dysfunctional so that they can keep them dependent on them. If at all a man heals, she might get upset and since he doesn't need her anymore, he breaks up with her.

Overcoming it
In order for an intimate relationship to work, it needs two mature adults, not a parent and a child. So recognise and acknowledge the innate strengths in your partner that can cure him/her of his weaknesses but only if that is what he wants. Most importantly, let your partner take responsibility for his/her own life.

The Control freak

Why it doesn't work
Psychotherapists say the controlling behaviour takes root when a partner is afraid of vulnerability and wants life to be predictable and certain. Thus, they are attracted to kind and generous people who'll put them on a pedestal and almost worship them. Sometimes there is a feeling of mental suffocation too, usually through sexual prowess. When the man is sufficiently exhausted he may leave. But most men stay with this kind of a woman because of the sex, isn't it? 

Overcoming it
Much has been written on this, but the bottomline is that a control freak needs to come to grips and understand the underlying anxiety that is relieved when you control someone. It is also recommended for women that they try and avoid quiet men who they can 'boss around' because it perpetuates the problem.

Hiding behind a mask

Why it doesn't work
This type of a person is simply insecure and often lacks his/her own identity. They disappear into a relationship and the other partner often becomes bored for the lack of challenge or experiencing of the true character. Such relationships are empty and the attraction fades after some time.

Overcoming it
The fundamental aspects of your personality must be revealed from the beginning of the relationship. Overly personal things can be discussed and revealed later when you feel more secure about the other person's feelings. Women need to understand that if a man isn't attracted to the real 'you' it doesn't mean there is something wrong with you or that you are unlovable. It just means he likes something different, not better.

Relationship personalties

Sometimes when you are in a relationship, certain aspects of your personality become amplified or you change yourself to suit a situation. Psychotherapists say that your essence should remain consistent in all contexts when you are psychologically well adjusted. When we alter ourselves in a marked way in a relationship it's usually an attempt to deal with insecurity and manipulate an outcome that we don't believe would naturally work in our favour.

Changing yourself or adopting a persona is an attempt to get what we think will make us happy. These characteristics have paid off in the past and so we repeat them!

The best way to communicate your needs is through a process of getting to know each other. As the relationship grows, discover your partner's needs and negotiate what you can realistically fulfill. Every relationship must be seen as an opportunity to learn about yourself.